My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
