I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
