his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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