she smelled like a LAN party
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
