i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
