Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
