i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
