He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
