Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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