Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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