then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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