tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
third nipple confirmed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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