We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
