Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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