i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
