oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
