when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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