Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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