My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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