I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
