I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
