I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
