Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
