Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
