Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
