kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
