so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Randomize
