11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
