walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
