Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
