I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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