It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
