hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
