Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
