Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Damn victory sex feels great
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
