I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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