Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
