somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if only i could text you this smell
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
