I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
