Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
