Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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