I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
