used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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