There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
