Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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