So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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