that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How naked do you want me to be?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
