I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
