what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
