Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
